leaving
by Flower4Isabel
Summary: well, this is just a oneshot about how bella felt when leaving forks.


Disclaimer: I really wish I did, but I do not own Twilight, nor to I reign over the city of Forks Washington, because if I did, the city would immediately need to be evacuated, before I could kill off all of the residents.

So, anyways, enough of my long rant, well, just a little more rant- here it is in all its-err- glory, yeah, let's go with glory. My first fanfic. Well, I guess it isn't really glorious, but anyway it is here!

I inhaled deeply, taking in the wonderful aroma that was my safe haven, my home. The breeze was gently blowing against my face as I felt the gentle swaying coming from beneath me.

I didn't know how long I'd been out there, on the old jungle gym that Renée had gotten me so many years ago, but it must have been a long time because I was soaked through. I couldn't tell if I had been crying or not because of the slight drizzle.

I could feel the tears starting up again as I went through precious memories of Renée for what must have been the thirteenth time today. I had lost track of the number after I had gotten to nine. I needed to get more control of my emotions, at least until there was nobody who could be worried by my tears.

Besides, moving to Forks really couldn't be all that bad, could it? The question had haunted me for the longest time now, but the decision was already made, no going back.

More drops of water coming from above were telling me that the weather was starting to get worse.

I tried to imagine what living in Forks permanently would feel like. The falling rain made it easier to imagine, but that didn't help me one bit.

I tried to imagine feeling happy in Forks. I tried to imagine smiling as I looked outside the window and beamed up at the gloomy outlook saying something along the lines of "wow, it sure is a nice day out today" or "hey it's brightening up a bit", but that didn't help either.

God, what had made me even consider going to that accursed city in the first place? Oh, yeah, Renée.

Renée. My loving, caring, forgetful, erratic, eccentric, beautiful, mother. Well, she was more than that, actually, she was my best friend. I would only condemn myself to living in a place that I completely _detest_ for her.

'So, _that's_ why I decided to allow myself to be in such misery' I thought to myself. That helped a little, it made me think a little more of myself, at the very least. At least I wasn't being a selfish vein person. That made me feel a little better that I was leaving, but with noble intentions.

"Suck it up Bella", I muttered to myself as I truthfully contemplated telling my mother that I was never in my life going to Forks again.

"Do it for Renée, do it for Renée…" I silently whispered to myself over and over again until I had gained an ounce of confidence that all would be fine, or at least tolerable.

As the minutes ticked by and the feeling of hopelessness crept over me more and more surely gaining and overwhelming portion of my being I let out the tears that I had refused to let fall before I was alone. I cried tears. Tears that nobody would ever hear over the pattering of rain that the storm was creating. That nobody would ever have the burden of holding besides me.

I finally closed my eyes trying to force the tears back inside me, holding myself tightly until suffocation was an issue, and just listened to the rainfall that gently fell down onto the grass beneath my feet.

My body was shivering with the combination of rain and wind together, which kept me from the ever so sweet release of dreams. I sat on the swing, still and cold as a corpse, simply lost in thought until, through my eyelids, the night began to enclose me in darkness and time slowly, grudgingly, passed on.

By now night had fallen. At least the rain had let up. There were no stars that shone through the clouds that overcame the night. No moon in the sky, no brilliant ray of hope to break through the bleak black heaven up above. The only light came from a flickering lamppost on the other side of the fence. It gave the backyard a sort of eerie look to it.

Would this really be my last memory of Phoenix? One that shows not the sunny life that I once had, but one that only shows that outlook of what is to come? No, tomorrow would be better. With that last fleeting hope, I took off towards the house.

No, I didn't, couldn't. Instead I tripped and crawled and flung my way towards the house like a wounded animal.

By the time I got there I had successfully opened a wound on my knee and could taste blood in my mouth from when I first tripped and landed flat on my face. Oh, well, it could have been worse, knowing me.

I stopped at the entrance to the back door squinting into the night for some ray of hope… some brilliant sign that would show me that everything would be all right, and that these tears I was crying were over nothing, but none came.

The eeriness continued by the splashing sound of an animal in the distance mixing with the whooshing of the wind. The lamppost finally flickered out and everything went dark…

So, like it? Hate it? Tell me what you think. REVIEW people _please!!!_

But just remember though this is my fist fanfic, don't go too easy on me.


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